Denise Tsoiafatt Angus

“Be the best, whatever it is that you want to be.”

“Always remember that the only person you can truly be responsible for is yourself.”

(Excerpt from an interview with Dayle Angus, Designer/Owner of House of Abeje)

Trinidad/Tobago

My mom has an extraordinary level of drive and determination that I do not see in a lot of people and she balances it with a very fun loving personality. My friends would sometimes tell me that they prefer hanging out with her than me because she's so much fun. She loves to dance so when she goes out, everyone knows they have to play Electric Slide.  What most people don’t know is that she can also be reserved, a little shy but her energy switches the moment she connects with people.

My mom is a role model in her determination and desire to make a difference.  We moved around a lot as kids because both my parents were building their careers, and I saw how they kept building on their strengths. My mom opened up a practice in Jamaica while simultaneously running a hospice. I saw how successful she was with that. Then we moved here to Trinidad/Tobago and my mom and dad opened up their own private practices. My dad is in the dental field, and my mom is a medical doctor.  I saw how my mom is driven by her passion and determination to make a difference in her community in the areas of health and wellness. Her patients spoke very highly of her, there’s a demand for my mom as a medical doctor for sure.  In my mom’s desire to make a bigger impact in the community, being a doctor didn’t seem enough so she got involved and became very active in policy making.  This later led her to entering the world of politics, and I could see how despite the challenges of that world she is determined to succeed to continue making an impact and serve the community.

One of the things she often said to me is “to always remember that the only person you can truly be responsible for is yourself”. And what I got from this is that I can't control other people’s actions but I can control my reaction. That's something that has always stuck with me. I got clear at an early age that I can't make decisions for people. I can't do things for people. I can try and help but at the end of the day, the only person I can truly responsible for is myself. And this advice reflects in my actions, how I speak, and how I react to things.

I remember having a huge disagreement with someone when I was in the University, and I remember mom’s advice and I’m very grateful I took it on. If I did not control my reaction, the outcome could have been awful, maybe even detrimental to me. In that moment, I learned not to trust my initial reaction in a disagreement because that may not necessarily be the best reaction to have. I’ve learned to take a step back, take a breath, and recoup or revisit later. I’ve discovered also in some instances where I had disagreements, after taking a step back, taking a breath that whoever I was disagreeing with is actually agreeing, just communicating in a different way. This shift in my way of being allowed me have good relationships with friends, family, people I do business with, and I see this in my marriage too. I'm proud of the fact that I am there for my friends and family, have open communication, and be able to listen to them. I definitely have gotten better at listening over the years, and that’s also thanks to my mom.

The other area mom’s advice impacted me is in my desire to continue building on what they’ve taught and provided us. I want to continue that with my future children and at the same time impact the community around me. I am clear that I have a purpose to leave the space better than I found it. I am already doing this in the fashion industry in Trinidad/Tobago, I’m finding ways to collaborate with different designers and creatives within the community and as a group, our intention is to uplift each other instead of competing, and together we can develop our skills better. I want to be a part of making the fashion industry in Trinidad/Tobago grow, to get international recognition for our creativity because we have a very rich culture and a lot of very talented people.